51 Ways To Annoy A Stubborn Ferret
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: A bored Harry and Ron, a clueless Neville, and a list of 51 Ways To Annoy Draco Malfoy - oh the fun that shall ensue!
1. Hair Dye

**A/N: The list is not mine. Its actually for **_**Annoying Murtagh**_** from Eragon but I found it on **_**51 Ways To Annoy Remius Lupin**_** by Tonkswyrd. I kind of tweaked the list a bit though. Also, I do not own Harry Potter. Hope you enjoy!**

**Takes place about third year.**

_**51 Ways To Annoy a Stubborn Ferret: **_

_**Because it's just too much fun to pick on Draco (even though I think he is delicious from HBP)**_

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_#1: Ask him the same annoying question over and over again. When he finally breaks down, ask him again and again. When he explodes with annoyance, tell him that he's being ridiculous and suggest anger management. _

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"Harry! Harry! Harry!" Ron Weasley hurried into the dormitory with excitement plastered upon his face. Harry peeled his eyes off of the newsprint he was currently reading. Ronald always did have the ability to blow things out of proportion.

"What is it, Ron?" Harry asked, "Found a leftover box of Gummy Gnomes under your bedsheets again?"

"No. I just came to ask you if you wanted to do something."

"Do something?" Harry cocked an eyebrow with confusion, "Like what?"

"I don't know. I'm bored. It sucks that we have to stay here over Christmas Holiday. My parents just had to go to that muggle convention! And then stupid Percy, Fred, and George are off with friends and Ginny went with my parents."

"I know the story, Ron. It's the reason _I _am stuck here too! I can't believe it's just you, me, Malfoy, and Neville. No offense to you or Neville but that's the makings of one _boring _Christmas holiday."

"Tell me about it," Ron flopped down on the couch, "So…want to do something?"

"Sure," Harry closed the newsprint, "I was just reading the articles. What do you suggest we do?"

"We can slide down the banisters."

"What are you, a first year?"

"Party-pooper," Ron pouted, folding his arms across his chest impatiently, "You know…Malfoy is here and we aren't exactly allowed to do magic while on break."

"So?"

"So we can totally annoy the boogers out him!"

"You really are a first year."

"Come on, Harry!" Ron urged, "Don't you think it will be fun? Besides, he won't be able to do anything anyways even if we were allowed to do magic. He got his wand confiscated by McGonagall the other day for giving Goyle a lizard tongue."

Harry laughed at the thought of Goyle with a forked tail and Malfoy throwing a temper tantrum over his wand, "_Seriously_?"

"Seriously. We would be safe. So what do you say?"

"I say…" Harry paused for dramatic effect, "Let's make a list!"

"A list?"

"Of all the ways to annoy him."

"Good one!" Ron scurried over towards the desk.

Harry pulled out some parchment and a quill. He could hardly wait to get started on annoying Malfoy. He quickly began to write. Once they were finished with their list, Ron and Harry read over it one last time.

"So, are you ready?" Harry asked.

"Of course. This is bloody brilliant! And the best part of it all is that without his wand, he can't do _anything_!"

"I know!" Harry couldn't help but feel giddy. "So do you want to get started?"

Ron nodded and they both charged out the dormitory and down the stairs to the parlor where Draco was currently enthralled with a book. Upon seeing the two people he detested most, Draco cringed.

"What do _you _two want?" He snarled towards them.

"Is your hair naturally that color or do you dye it?" Ron asked him, smiling as innocently as possible.

"What the bloody hell is your issue, ginger?" Draco growled.

"I just want to know. So is it dyed?"

"IT IS _NOT _DYED!"

"But your roots are a darker tone," Harry pointed towards Malfoy's head before quickly taking his hand away to avoid another slap.

"You two are bloody morons!"

"So yes or no?" Ron asked.

"WOULD YOU TWO MENTALS GO AWAY!?!?"

"It's just a question," Harry shrugged, "So _is _that your natural color?"

"Yes, you bloody morons!"

"What hair dye do you use?" Ron insisted.

"I don't…"

"I think you need to touch up the roots a bit," Harry began to comb through Draco's hair before getting his hand slapped away, "Wow…violent. May I suggest anger management?"

"What is your problem, Potty? You and Weasel are acting more mental than usual. Just wait until I…"

"Wait until you what?" Ron sneered, "You don't have a wand."

"I…I…just you wait until I get it back! You two are walking dead meat!" Draco shouted as Harry and Ron walked away laughing hysterically.

"Going to be a long holiday, huh Malfoy?" Ron called over his shoulder.

The only response he got was a snort and a pouty-faced Malfoy.

"We are _horrible_!" Harry cackled.

"Isn't it great?"

"I can't wait to do the next thing!"

"Patience young grasshopper," Ron laughed, "I have something special up my sleeve for Malfoy's next little annoyance."


	2. Cookie Jar Caper

_**Author's Note: Thank you so much for your reviews! They are lovely and I hope you all continue reading XOXO – Me. **_

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_#2 - Follow him around chanting, "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Malfoy stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"_

"Hey guys," Neville waved towards them as he rounded the corner.

"Hi, Neville," Ron and Harry replied through their chocking laughter.

"What's so funny? Oh no, please tell me I don't have bathroom tissue stuck to my shoe again," he moaned as he quickly turned to double check.

"You're fine – it's not you we're laughing at…"

"That's a first," the poor kid sighed drastically, "If not me, then what?"

"We're laughing at Malfoy," Ron clued him in on their list of fifty-one ways to annoying Draco. Neville listened with eyes swelled with amazement.

"You guys are terrible! That's mean."

"But it _is _Malfoy," Harry reminded him.

"True. So what are you planning on doing next?" Neville asked waiting for the answer with baited breath.

Ron threw his head back and cackled like a maniac.

"Ron, contain yourself," Harry glared at his best friend.

Ron regained his composure and said, "We're going to sing the cookie jar song and follow him around singing it."

"Won't he like curse you or something?"

"No. That's the beauty of our plan," Harry leaned close and whispered in Neville's ear, "He had his wand confiscated."

"No way! Why?"

"He gave one of the gargoyles he hangs out with a lizard tongue apparently and McGonagall was _not _pleased."

"I bet. So what's the cookie jar song?"

"Didn't you guys ever watch Barney the Dinosaur?" Ron asked impatiently; upon getting only blank stares as an answer, he continued, "You know, the big purple dinosaur who sings songs about friendship and teamwork?"

"Sounds scary," Harry winced.

"You could defeat Voldemort if you wanted," Ron rolled his eyes, "And you're afraid of a _kids_' show?"

"_That_ is a kids' show?" Neville asked.

"Yes," Ron sighed, "A muggle show. Really, Harry, I figured _you _would know."

"Nope," Harry shook his head, "And I don't think I _want _to. Sounds like a complete nightmare. A purple dinosaur singing? Eshh," he shuttered as if the concept was equally fighting as having Voldemort over for Christmas dinner.

"Anyways, back to the song!" Neville encouraged, wanting to hear the song more than anything.

"Alright," Ron sighed, "Now mind you, I am no opera singer."

"Really?" Harry titled his head to the side suspiciously, "Then explain the 18th century costumes and tights."

"Shut up," Ron glared towards his friend, "Okay the song goes like this – who stole the cookies from the cookie jar, Malfoy stole the cookies from the cookie jar."

"Oh that will annoy the bloomers off of him!" Neville smiled excitedly, "Are you are _sure _he can't hurt us? I mean, ever since that time when he threatened to have me turned into a worm, I've been a bit afraid of the guy."

"Don't worry, he can't do anything," Ron assured him, "So do you want to go find him and sing the cookie jar song?"

"Sure," Neville nodded, "Just remind me _why _we are doing this."

"Because," Harry said, "It's Malfoy and we just find it _highly _entertaining."

"Okay," Neville grinned, "Works for me."

The three walked back down the hall and towards the Slytherin dormitory. Draco was sitting by the fireplace brooding in his normal Malfoy-like way.

"Oh bloody hell," he didn't even bother looking up, "Why won't you just leave me alone. And you brought along Longbottom – _terrific_."

"Hey, Malfoy," Harry grinned, "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?"

"Wha…"

"Malfoy stole the cookies from the cookie jar."

"Bloody hell," Draco threw his hands up in the air out of frustration.

"Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Malfoy stole the cookies from the cookie jar," Harry and Ron chanted. Neville even started in during the fourth round.

"Bug off."

"Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?"

"Malfoy stole the cookies from the cookie jar!"

"You have got to be kidding me! What's _WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE_!"

"_You _people?" Ron gasped.

"Yeah, _you _people – you, Harry, and Longbutt."

"Hey!" Neville shouted with grand offense.

"Shut up. Yes, you people."

"So you're racist now?"

"_Racist_?" Draco glared at Ron, "What do you mean racist?"

"You're racist against people with red hair."

"Oh my God. You have _GOT _to be kidding me."

"You know, that comment _really _hurt," Ron placed a hand on his heart.

"So…Malfoy," Neville smirked, "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?"

"I'm going to my room," Draco stood from his chair and headed towards his private room, leaving Harry, Ron, and Neville behind, singing away.

Once the door had shut, Neville ran towards the door and continued singing.

"Neville," Ron was taken back, "I never knew you had it in you to be so…"

"Annoying?" Neville asked.

"Yeah," Harry nodded, "Who knew?"

"Well I kind of had this one in the bag. You guys can take over number three."

"Good," Harry grinned, "I have something special in mind."

"Let's go back to the dormitory and review the plan with Neville."

Before heading towards the Gryffindor commons, Neville went back to the door and shouted into it, "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Malfoy stole the cookies from the…"

"I'll kill you Longbottom!" Draco shouted from within, "I swear once I get my wand…"

"You'll steal more cookies from the cookie jar?" Ron suggested.

"ARRRR!"

"So you're a pirate now?" Harry asked.

"I swear, Potter!"

"Good luck with that!" Ron called towards the shut door.

"Come on, Neville, we have a _lot _to clue you in on."


	3. Razzle Dazzle Them

_**Author's Note: You guys are amazing – thank you! You're reviews TOTALLY make my day!**_

_**Chapter Three **_

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_#3 - Give him nicknames that are unrelated to his real name. Ex: Paul. Joe. Han Solo. Teddy Bear. Freddie._

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Ron, Harry, and Neville snickered as they made their way towards the dining hall. Malfoy was already sitting on the far end, towards the Slytherin table. He was glowering angrily and for a moment, Harry almost felt guilty for making Malfoy so upset.

"Look guys – the elves cooked us roast and vegetables!" Ron hurried over towards the Hogwarts table and began filling up one of the plates.

Harry and Neville filled up their plates too and took a seat a table away from Malfoy. Ron pulled the folded up piece of parchment from his pocket and laid it down on the table as if they were part of some grand ceremony.

"What's next on there?" Neville asked, "The nickname one, right?"

"Yup," Ron giggled, causing Harry to stare at him suspiciously.

"Well since I took over the cookie song, you guys can have this one," Neville offered.

"Ron, do you want to come up with a nickname?" Harry asked as Ron shoveled a spoonful of carrots, roast, and potatoes into his mouth. Ron thought for a moment, contemplating what name would suit the angry little Slytherin well.

"_So_?" Neville pressed, "What are you going to pick as a nickname?"

"Something simple like Joe?" Harry asked, "Or something ridiculous?"

"Oh something ridiculous for sure," Ron nodded excitedly, "I'm thinking. It's harder than it looks, okay?"

"Thinking about _anything _for you is hard, Ron," Harry rolled his eyes.

Ron chose to ignore the comment, "Hmm…how about Razzle Dazzle?"

"Works for me," Neville shrugged.

Ron pushed his plate away and made his way over towards Malfoy.

"What did I do to deserve this, huh?" Malfoy asked, not even looking up from his plate.

"How about making our lives miserable since first year, Razzle Dazzle?"

"_Razzle Dazzle_?"

"Yup," Ron nodded, "That's your new name."

"What the…how the bloody hell do you decide on a name like _Razzle Dazzle_?"

"It just popped into my head, Razzle Dazzle."

"I am sure a lot of stuff just pops into your head," Malfoy rolled his eyes, "You make me sound like some jazzercise instructor."

"What scares me is you even know what jazzercise is, Razzle Dazzle."

"How long are you going to call me that?"

"Hmm…as long as I want, Razzle Dazzle."

"Hey, Razzle Dazzle!" Harry shouted towards Draco.

"Shut up, Potter. Okay, Weasley I swear you have issues! I mean…good God!"

"Razzle Dazzle them and they'll beg you for more!" Neville sang, "Give 'em the old hocus pocus, Razzle Dazzle them…give 'em an act with lots of…"

"Neville, shut up! No one wants to hear you sing show tunes," Harry rolled his eyes, "So, enjoying your dinner, Razzle Dazzle?"

Draco stood up angrily and stormed out of the dining hall. Harry watched him leave, wishing he hadn't been so mean. Sure, Draco was a jerk but maybe they were taking this thing too far?"

"Hey guys, do you think that we should tone it down a bit?" He suggested, "I mean, I don't want to hurt him…"

"Why do you care so much about him?" Ron asked, "It's just Malfoy. He's an arse!"

"But…"

"Come on, Harry! It isn't like we're hurting him or anything – he's fine. But if you really want, we'll turn it down a bit for our next thing, okay?"

"Alright," Harry agreed, "Because it is a little funny to see his nostrils flare."

"I thought he's start sneezing flames!" Neville laughed.

The three discussed their plan for tomorrow as Draco retired to his bedroom. Just when he thought his stupid Christmas holiday couldn't get any worse. He pulled a piece of parchment from his desk and began to scribble a note. If Ron and Harry and even Neville were going to treat him like this, he'd just have to give them a little payback.

After writing the letter, Draco read over it one last time, making sure it was up to the highest perfection:

_Dearest Draco,_

_How are you? I have missed you terribly over these past few days and I don't know how I am going to make it until I return to Hogwarts. My holiday has been pretty boring so far, just catching up on some reading. I hope Harry and Ron haven't been too much of a bother to you, or you to them for that matter. They still don't know about us, but I am trying to work up the courage to tell them. I am just a little worried though – when I went with Krum to the Yule Ball, Ron nearly gave himself an aneurysm. Anyways, I will try to get my courage up and pray that Ron and Harry won't do anything rash when I tell them. Perhaps I shall hide their wands when I break the news to them. Anyways, enough of this talk – I miss you so much Draco. It is misery without you here with me. Maybe next Christmas holiday you can come and stay with us. We won't mention the whole muggle world to your parents though. _

_I miss you and I love you terrible_

_Love Always and Forever_

_Hermione._

Draco couldn't help but grin as he neatly folded the parchment before placing it in his pants pocket. He could hardly wait for tomorrow – Harry and Ron had their plans and now, so did he.


	4. Oh Crap!

**Author's Note: So I finally saw HBP today and oh my dark lord was Draco amazing! I remember detesting his character when he was younger but now I am positively in love with him. So deep and so troubled and so much new writing ideas! And did anyone else notice the way he shot Hermione a look when she was babbling about the love potion? I am such a Dramione fan! Anyways, here's the next chapter and I hope you like it. Draco's cooked up a mighty fine little plan for himself. Let's hope it won't backfire hehehe…**

The next day, Harry, Ron, and Neville were walking the halls, waiting for the most opportune moment to strike again, sending Draco into complete and total misery. As they rounded the corner, Harry and Draco collided.

"Watch where you're going, _Potter_," Draco spat out angrily as he collected his things that had fallen to the ground upon impact. Harry bent down to help and grabbed the odd looking black leather-bound book.

"What's this?" He asked with a challenge in his voice.

"Nothing," Draco snapped, "Now give that back!"

"Oh look, Ron, there's a note inside."

"Potter I swear if you don't give it back right now…"

"Hmm…let's just see what it says, shall we?" Harry grinned as he unfolded the piece of parchment and began to read aloud, "_Dearest Draco_…aww, now isn't that sweet, Malfoy's got himself a little lover…_I have missed you terribly over these past few days_…"

"Must be mental, that one," Ron nodded towards the note, "Missing Malfoy and all."

"Shut your snout, Weasel," Draco glared at Ron with daggers.

Harry continued, "_My holiday has been pretty boring so far, just catching up on some reading. I hope Harry and Ron haven't been too much of a bother to you, or you to them for that matter_…what? She knows us?"

"How does she know us?" Ron demanded, looking a little frightened, "And why would it be any of HER business if we've been a bother or not?"

"I don't know," Harry said, "Let me finish, alright? _They still don't know about us, but I am trying to work up the courage to tell them. I am just a little worried though – when I went with Krum to the Yule Ball, Ron nearly gave himself an aneurysm_…what does she mean she doesn't want us to know? Wait a minute…"

"Krum!" Ron shouted with malice in his voice, "You…you bloody bastard!"

"What?" Draco asked innocently, "I was the one that wanted to tell you, but she didn't want you to know yet. Said that it would drive you crazy. Has it?"

"How dare you!" Ron stormed over towards Draco, "How dare SHE! Who does she think she is anyway? Honestly, thought she had more brains in that head than to go out with the likes of YOU!"

"Ron," Harry shoved him off of Draco, "Let me continue. There might be an explanation or something so just shut up and listen. After I finish reading, then you can go and kill him, alright?"

"No," Draco glared at Harry, "_Not _alright!"

Harry continued to read, "_Anyways, I will try to get my courage up and pray that Ron and Harry won't do anything rash when I tell them_…"

"Oh I'll show her rash!" Ron folded his arms over his chest and scoffed angrily, "I'll give her rash! I'll give her so much rash she will be itching for weeks!"

"You bloody fool," Draco scoffed haughtily, "That isn't what _rash _means. It means doing something on impulse."

"Oh I'll do something on impulse alright!"

"Ron!" Harry held up his hand, "Let me finish."

"Perhaps Hermione has a good reason for this," Neville suggested.

"For dating Malfoy?" Ron snorted, "Ha!"

"Both of you, just listen!" Harry cleared his throat before continuing, "_Perhaps I shall hide their wands when I break the news to them_…"

"Oh, she will have to! When I get my wand from my room, I swear Malfoy, you'll be crawling around like the cockroach you are!"

"Oh is that so, _Weasel_? And how are you going to do that when your wand is about as good as your threats?"

"Malfoy! Ron!" Harry shouted, "Let me read! _Anyways, enough of this talk – I miss you so much Draco_."

"Ha! I wonder what she means by _THAT_!" Ron laughed.

"That she misses me you moronic little fool," Draco rolled his eyes.

"Guys, it's almost over. Just sit tight, alright? _It is misery without you here with me. Maybe next Christmas holiday you can come and stay with us_."

"Oh _that's_ rich," Ron cursed as he shook his finger at Malfoy like an old woman, "Just you wait, Malfoy! Just you wait!"

"_We won't mention the whole muggle world to your parents though…_" Harry tried to finish reading but Ron had already interrupted him again.

"Wonder what Daddy-Malfoy would do if he knew you were about snogging mudbloods! Oh bloody hell…have you _snogged _her?"

"I've done more than that," Draco scoffed, "If you know what I mean."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Ron lunged towards Draco but Harry pulled him away.

"Think on it Ron – Hermione must like him if she misses him so much. That means we should probably be happy that she's happy, right?"

"You're joking, right?" Ron laughed, "Oh, Malfoy you are going to regret the day you came to Hogwarts when I am through with you!"

Neville and Harry and to pull Ron away before he did some serious damage. After they were out of sight, Draco leaned back against one of the pillars and laughed heartily to himself. They were such blind fools – especially Weasley.

After having a good chuckle over the whole thing, Draco headed up to the library to find a book to amuse himself with. As he was getting one from the shelf, a brown owl flew in through the window. Draco walked over to it and pulled the parchment from its carrier.

Draco unfolded the letter and began to read:

_Dearest Harry and Ron,_

_I had my owl come to the library because I was hoping you'd be in there studying ahead like I had asked you to but if you aren't, I'll just surprise you then. Guess what, I talked to my parents and they have agreed to let me come back to Hogwarts and spend the Holiday with you. Isn't that fantastic! I'll be back tomorrow. See you then!_

_Love Always,_

_Hermione G._

Draco looked down at the letter in his hand before cursing, "Oh crap."


	5. Would You Be My Fake Girlfriend?

_**Chapter Five**_

Hermione Granger stepped through the doors of Hogwarts' parlor, bags in hand, expectantly waiting for Harry and Ron to appear. Maybe they hadn't been in the library and maybe they hadn't received her letter. She looked around the gaping room admiring the garland and towering Christmas tree. Just as she was about to turn and find her friends, Draco Malfoy stopped her.

"Just where do you think _you're_ going?" He asked.

Hermione glared at him if as if he were insane, "_I_ am going to find my friends," she answered, "And I would appreciate it if you would move!"

Draco chuckled haughtily, "I am afraid I can't do that. You see, you and I need to have a little _chat_."

"I don't talk to ferrets," Hermione smiled sweetly and attempted to move past him. He, in turn, jumped in front of her, blocking her exit. She groaned painfully, crossed her arms over her chest, and finally decided to humor him, "Alright so chat."

"It's a funny story actually…"

"What have you done with Harry and Ron?" Hermione demanded, knowing instantly that something was wrong.

"Oh, they're alright I suppose," Draco shrugged nonchalantly, "But it's _me _I'm worried about."

"_You_? What did you do?"

"Um…what would you say if I asked you to be my girlfriend?" Draco asked shyly.

"What?" Hermione laughed, "Why would you do something like that?"

"Because…maybe Potter and Weasley are under the impression that we are…um…dating?"

Hermione suddenly stopped laughing, her face growing stoic, "What are you talking about, Malfoy?" She demanded.

"Potter and Weasley thought that it would be funny to come up with ways to annoy me and so I decided to get them back – you know, some_ friendly competition_?"

"What's your definition of friendly?"

"Well, I didn't stick my wand up their…"

Hermione held up a hand, silencing him, "Thanks so much for that mental image, Draco."

"Well, I could have but I didn't. I just…I kind of wrote this stupid letter to myself from you and had Potter and Weasley find it – just to get back at them and so…um…they now think we're…a thing."

"A thing?" Hermione laughed again, "You and me? That's _vile_, Malfoy!"

"Well, it was just a joke. Anyways, I just figured that maybe we shouldn't mention this to those morons and possibly just…pretend for tonight that we are…um…"

"Dating?"

"Yes. So what do you say, Granger? Be my girlfriend?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, her answer obvious, "I'd rather gouge my eyeballs out that ever date you, Draco Malfoy," she smirked as she walked off to find her friends before pausing, and turning to stare at Draco, "And by the way, I will tell them everything."

Draco drove his fist into the nearest wall, regretting it then instant his fist impacted the plaster. He winced in pain and cursed himself for being an idiot. Why would he ever think that Hermione Granger would be interested in him? It was a stupid plan and he shouldn't have done it. But then again, Draco Malfoy didn't do anything he should, and always did things he shouldn't – it was the Malfoy way.

"What do you mean it was all just a joke?" Harry asked.

"I mean, Malfoy made the whole thing up to get back at you guys for being complete and total fish heads. I mean, really? Did you think you could do all that you did to Draco Malfoy and not get away with it?"

"Well…" Ron shrugged.

"I still can't believe he'd do that! So, what's the plan?" Harry asked Ron.

"What plan? I'm going to kill him – that's the plan."

"No one is killing anyone," Hermione rolled her eyes, "Instead, I say let's play a little joke on Malfoy ourselves. Tonight, when we all go to the dining hall for dinner, I will pretend to be his girlfriend – like you guys don't have anything to do with the plan and then when I'm ready, we'll let him in on our whole plan!"

"Is it just me or does that not make an ounce of sense?" Neville asked.

"It's not just you," Harry assured him.

"Are you bloody mental?" Ron demanded, "I mean really, 'Mione, pretending to date _Malfoy_? That's so…so…_stupid_! I think we should just use magic to give him a tail or…or send him to the garbage shoot!"

"Ronald, don't be so juvenile," Hermione sighed, "I like my plan and I think it will work. He won't ever know that you guys were in on it the whole time. Imagine the look on his face when he finds out!"

"So you're going to pretend to be his girlfriend?" Harry asked, "I mean, just to clarify."

"Yes, I am going to pretend to be Malfoy's…girlfriend. Don't worry guys, it won't last forever. Maybe just a few days to make him think it's real but then, when we tell him, he'll be so mad he'll regret ever writing that stupid note!"

That night at dinner, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville walked towards their usual table, leaving Draco sitting in the corner by himself. Hermione had to admit, he did look a little sad over there. He was always alone and she knew it had to be no fun not having anyone to laugh or talk with.

"I'm…I'm going to start the plan in motion, alright?"

"What are you going to do?" Ron asked nervously.

"I'm going to go over and sit with my boyfriend," Hermione announced, standing up and making her way towards Draco. He barely looked up at her and she could tell he was mad at about what she had told him that afternoon. But surely Draco Malfoy wasn't that penetrateable.

"Hi."

"What do you want?" He asked, actually asked isn't quite the right word – it was more of a mix between demanded, cried, and drained because as he said it, Hermione could see the anger, the sadness, and the exhaustion he was battling. If it had been anyone but Draco Malfoy, Hermione was pretty sure that her heart would have broken.

"I just came to…um…sit with my boyfriend if that's alright with him?" She asked, smiling sheepishly at him (hey, she had to sell it, right?)

Draco looked up at her, his eyes questioning her intentions with each glance, "I think he'll be fine with it," he smirked his classic smirk and Hermione sat down next to him.

"So, what are you having for dinner?"

"Ham and vegetables. Want a bite? I mean…to make our…uh…thing more convincing?"

"Sure," Hermione nodded, "I mean, just to make things looks more realistic."

"Of course," Draco speared a bite of ham with his fork and lifted it to Hermione's mouth. Ron nearly had a heart attack when he saw how slowly and gently he placed the fork into her mouth and how she sucked the ham off and chewed so slowly…

"It's like a bloody porno," Ron hissed.

"Shut up," Harry rolled his eyes, "It's all part of the plan. Besides, it's just ham."

"Yeah well…it didn't look like that was all it was to me!"

"That's because your mind takes up permanent reservation in the gutter," Neville laughed.

"That may be true," Ron glared towards Draco, "But I'm telling you, there's something there and I'll be happy when she finally breaks the news to him."

"If she ever does," Harry mumbled under his breath.


	6. A Christmas With the Malfoys

Chapter Six

"So why did you change your mind?" Draco asked as he and Hermione walked out of the hall together.

"Well, I mean I just thought it would be fun to string Ron and Harry a long for a bit, considering the fact that they were so childish as to come up with something as stupid as ways to annoy you. Honestly, I don't know what they think sometimes. But I suppose it is kind of mean of us…" Hermione felt flushed – for some reason, she felt horrible about lying to Draco.

"Yeah well I just think…never mind."

"What?" Hermione pressed, "Tell me."

"I just think that it's a bit weird that you hang out with them. Someone like you should…um…well, I think you need better friends than that."

"They are great friends!"

"I just think you deserve something a bit better," Draco mumbled.

"Well thank you but I enjoy their company very much and I'd appreciate it if you'd keep such ridiculous opinions to yourself," she huffed, clearly annoyed with his accusation.

"That was rude," Draco bowed his head with what could almost have been mistaken for remorse, "I apologize."

"You apologize?" Hermione scoffed with surprise, "Who are you?"

Draco just shrugged a reply before heading up the stairs, "So when do you want to tell them?"

"Tell them what?" Hermione asked.

"That this is all fake."

"I don't know," Hermione blushed, realizing that someday she would have to tell Draco Malfoy that it was all a joke. But it was a joke, wasn't it? They were supposed to be doing this to make Ron and Harry upset. So it wasn't really a joke if it was all a joke to begin with, right?

"Well we're pretty good at making it look real I guess," Draco adverted his gaze, "So whenever."

"Whenever works for me," Hermione nodded. Draco said nothing more and retired to his chambers.

Upon entering his room, he found a folded parchment upon his bed. Unfolding it, he discovered that it was a note from his father. Draco was taken back that his father had actually taken the time to OWL him, usually Narcissa was the one who kept in contact with her son during the school year.

Draco began to read:

_Draco,_

_My meeting with them is over to give time for the Christmas holiday. I will be returning home tomorrow and was hoping that you would join me. _

_Lucius_

Draco stared at the letter, if it could even be called that, with complete shock. His father's meeting with the Death Eaters had ended earlier to allow for Christmas holiday? For some reason Draco found that disgustingly ironic. So now he would be expected to return to the Manor and spend his holiday with his father – Draco's dream of a perfect Christmas. He crumpled the parchment in his hand and tossed it at the wall.

"Draco?"

Draco turned to see Hermione standing in the doorway. "What do you want," he asked.

"You left your book in the dining hall. I thought I'd return it to you. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Draco crinkled his nose is disgust, "Now put the book down and go."

"Draco…"

"Look, I don't want to talk about it right now, Granger. It's just…I should be used to it I guess."

"Used to what?"

"To my Christmas holidays being miserable," he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands with a frustrated sigh, "My father just OWLED me to tell say that he will be returning tomorrow and actually wants me to come home to spend Christmas with him."

"Well maybe that's good," Hermione said, trying to be positive.

"It's never good when my father is concerned. He probable only wants me home to yell at me for something. It will be such a bore, sitting there in between Mother and Father in utter silence while we pick at some turkey the elves prepared. How incredibly memorable."

Hermione stood at the end of his bed, not really knowing what to say. Before she could stop herself, she voiced a suggestion, "Draco, would it better if you didn't have to spend it with just your parents?"

"I suppose," Draco eyed her suspiciously, "Why?"

"I was just wondering if you would mind if I invited myself over for Christmas."

Draco stared at her trying to take in what she had just said, "You want to come to my house and spend Christmas with my family? Granger, my father and mother don't like mud…muggles very much and…"

"Would you be happier if I were there with you so that it wasn't just you and your parents?" She asked again.

"Granger…"

"Answer the question, Malfoy."

Draco mentally slapped himself for saying, "Sure. Why not?"

And so it was settled. Hermione packed her bags and would be spending her Christmas with Draco Malfoy of all people. She began to wonder just how Ron and Harry would take the news…


End file.
